An Assumption
I was just lamenting to a good friend about how there is this assumption that I'm itching to rush back to the employment market after the baby arrives. The assumption seems to be consistent among family and friends alike, and it's one that I'm quite uncomfortable with.
I've noticed that most first-time mothers make that transition back to work after a maternity leave with much apprehension - and sadness. I can imagine why - after 9 months of anticipation, and 3 months of watching this human being grow before your very eyes, the last thing on one's mind would be to go back to the drudgery of 9 to 5 routines.
Granted, some careers are more exciting than others, but why assume that motherhood is something that women would want to run away from?
Back to the topic of these assumptions. Fische has a theory that perhaps I didn't present myself as someone who would 'settle' for motherhood. Here's this for an alternative theory - given that I once worked very hard at my professional career, wouldn't one assume that I would work just as hard at motherhood, given it's something that I've wanted to experience? I never delegated my responsibilities when I was in Petronas, iPerintis and Cradle, so why would one assume that I'd be quick to do so with my own baby?
I'm surrounded by working mothers and I see the agony that some of them endure - it's truly hard for them to leave their child and concentrate on organising an interstate conference, or to focus on an important presentation when your child has a fever at home. What makes it even harder is that most workplaces, in this part of the world at least, is not 'supportive' of working mothers. I've heard enough anecdotes of women threatened with being laid off, or being penalised for taking their full maternity leave duration, not to mention the appalling lack of adequate child care facilities available at most workplaces. But that's stuff for another blog post.
For these working moms, everyday is a series of heart-wrenching decisions (for those who want a taste of the drama, check out Lynette in Desperate Housewives as she does the full-time mom thing in Season 1 and the working mom thing in Season 2.). It isn't something I envy and given that I'm lucky enough to have the option of choosing, I'd rather not put myself in the situation of having to perform this juggling act on a daily basis.
Not for a while at least.
*****
Readings:
1. Blue Suit Mom 2. Women in the Workplace: There's more to life than money 3. Study 'Discovers' Women Choosing Professional Careers over Motherhood 4. Full-Time Motherhood - Giving Women a Choice 5. Middle-class French mothers will be paid to start le baby boom
dear najah,
you are fortunate enough to be able to not work during your pregnancy and after your child is born. not many mothers (this side of the world) have that option. i believe every mother would want to be there at every moment with their child. again, you are lucky.
Zylia: yup, and that’s something I’m very thankful for.
Hey! I worked at iPerintis for a while. Small world!
I wouldn’t want to go back to work after a baby – well, I don’t think I would want to. Definitely not for a while anyway.
How can watching your kid grow and change every minute be the inferior choice to working 9 to 5, sitting at a desk, surrounded by idiots dealing with… nonsense?
Good for you!
i would love to be in the place where i can spent my all day to be at home with my son..seriously!
I completely agree that the early years of a baby should always be spent in the full commitment and attention of his/her mother, not a sitter or *gasp* the maid.
Definitely if I can afford not to work after giving birth, I will not, for at least a couple of years.
Firstly – congratulations!
Secondly – Its your own choice and what matters most is the fact that you are happy. Cos happy mother = happy baby = happy hubby! The domino effects of life…
Just to share my experience .. My boss wanted me to come to office on Sunday (after he’s done playing golf) and said ” meeting sekejap aje” . It breaks my heart not to be with my 5-month old baby on weekends! Dahla weekdays keje pagi sampai malam
.. Y’know what I said to him.. ” That’s the difference between you and me, you can play golf from dusk to dawn and not think about your family, but I treasure the few precious hours on Sunday to be with my son and that’s what I want to do.” I’ve never been asked to come to work on Sundays eversince!
xyxy: Good on ya! Not many would speak up that way.
Hey, Naj, you should do what feels right for you. I was lucky enough to be able to spend more time with the boys when they were babies. It doesn’t go away, though, even when they are much older…the need to be with them and the guilt when you have to work late or work weekends. Career Moms should demand more flexibility from employers and the govt should give more priority to the family-career balance.
Is working with iPerintis any good? I got an offer from them but am currently working in a bank, don’t know if I should take up the offer or not…
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